My Final Words

Dear Everyone,

These are some brief explanations of why I am the way I am. Maybe they will help you understand, but if they don't, well, I guess it's not my problem anymore, because this is me saying goodbye.

I often wonder if you know how bright you are. For the longest time, I thought I was the moon to your sun, but really I was a star, and you were the sun. Now I realize that the sun is just another star, and the more distance I put between myself and the sun, the less bright it seems and the more I can see my own light. You're still beautiful to me, but now... I think I am as well.

I've been looking at my life through a distorted lens. One that sees trees as green, water as blue, and blood as red. But I got new glasses the other day and now I can see things for what they are. Trees as alive, living and breathing with each breeze. Water as something flowing and moving even when it runs brown from mud and carries fallen leaves in its currents. Especially then. And blood as something metallic, that tastes of love and work and anger, without which we cannot live.

I think I've spent my whole life running away from something, and now I have this sinking feeling that I'm trying to run away from myself and it's not working, so I'll have to take a different approach. I am abandoning my very real fantasies and very false realities and facing myself head-on, because once I know what I'm trying to run from, I can learn who I really am and be someone I actually want to be.

So here are my final words.

To Alyssa Lewis,
You've always been there. You taught me that a true friend doesn't just show up when they think things are going badly and you need help. They are there even when things seem to be going well. Thanks for all the memories.

To Sam Tse,
Don't underestimate yourself. You can encourage and inspire people as long as you believe in yourself. For what it's worth, I believe in you.

To Devin Glenn,
I wish I knew you better. I'm glad I met you, though.

To Kira Knorr,
Love you, girl. You've loved me even when I'm in a bad mood, even when I can't stop to talk, and even when I don't seem to love you back. But I promise I do love you, and I'll remember you forever and always. I miss you already. Oh, and do you think you could maybe tell your brother hi for me?

To Austin Walker,
I'm sorry you have to deal with 9 siblings. I can barely deal with 5 of them.

To Trevor Richard,
Thank you for helping me start to understand myself, and for trying to understand me even when you didn't have to. Keep thinking because the world needs more thinkers like you and the people who don't question generally don't get answers.

To Graham Carman,
At least you weren't freaked out by me. I hope you weren't pretending to be happy to see me, but I don't think you were because that's not easy to fake.

To Paris,
You've changed me, and I don't want to leave. Circumstances leave me with no choice but to stay. Sorry if you're tired of me.

To My Mirages,
I love you. Goodbye.


Love,
Midnight