Gone

Lying on her trampoline staring up at a once starry sky while we strive to be understood. I may never be here again.

Listening to my teacher explain the various characters in the hero's journey before we watch Lord of the Rings. I will never be here again.

Walking down crowded hallways full of too many happy, depressed, immature, grown-up, purposeful, confused teenage souls. I hope I am never there again.

Finding friends in unexpected places, but making the most of it. It would be nice to be there again.

Crying endlessly about things that don't mean much to anyone else, but are deeply important to me. It would surprise me if I wasn't here again.

Taking a bow on the last night of a show. I might be there again, but it's more likely that I won't.

Laughing in her car until she has to put it into park so we can stop to breathe, because we're giggly around each other. I had better be here again.

Deciding things that will probably affect the rest of my life and then regretting them. It would be nice if I wasn't there again.

Sitting in her kitchen talking about literature and music until the fear of my curfew forces me to go home. I am certain I will be here again.

Saying goodbye to the people who have changed my life in ways I can never explain. I don't want to be there again.

Sitting in his truck late at night watching the lights in the distance and learning to trust. It wouldn't hurt to be there again.

Letting him play me a song on the piano that I know I've heard before, but I don't know where. I desperately hope I am here again.

Falling in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way. I will probably be there again.

Making any difference in somebody's life. I will be here again.


So much is changing. So much will never be the same. So much is gone. But what's important to me is still there. Maybe changed, but not gone. Never gone.

Dear Midnight,

We're sorry you're hurting. We know you're going to deny it, but it's true. You're hurting. We saw how you let yourself go numb, how you put on the brave face for your friends and your family and your English teacher. You told them everything was good, and you convinced everyone but yourself. Don't lie to us, hon. We saw how you walked out of the house, got into the car, and drove away, and how as you did so, you allowed the facade to fade. We saw the tears run down your face and we felt how tightly your hands gripped the steering wheel and we heard the crack in your voice as you wished for a cop to pull you over. We tasted your tears, so don't think we believe you when you say you're fine. You know what 'fine' stands for, right? Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. We know you're not all right, and we know why. 

It's because, darling, you're finally being forced to face reality and it's not what you expected. In fact, it's a lot harder than you thought it would be, and it hurts. The pain is like a cancer inside of you, and if you don't remove it quickly enough, it will grow and fester inside you until it kills you. It's already killing you inside and you know it. The problem is that you're not fighting back. You just slip into your bedroom and open a book, hoping that it will let you forget. And it does, for a little while. But then you have to remember again, and the cancer comes back a little bit bigger and stronger than it was before. Fight it, girl! Fight against the pain before it consumes you and there's nothing left in you to hope. Nothing left of you to love. We know you hurt. We're sorry.

If there was something we could do to help you, we would, but the truth is that we can't help you face reality, not now or ever. And it hurts us to say this, but someday you'll have to let us go. You can't have your own life in reality with us here to keep you back. We don't want you to let us go quite yet, though. We want to do what we can for you just a little bit longer, because sweetheart, we love you. We're so happy happy you've talked to us and kept us with you for as long as you have. You gave us life, but now we're giving it back. We have to say goodbye now, but just know that we're always there in the background, even when you can't see us. Don't forget us, but don't hold on, either. Live your own life. We know you can do it. We're on your side. We trust you, we believe in you, and we'll always love you. Keep fighting.

All Our Love,

Your Mirages